The battle seems too hard Lord! I feel as if I am losing strength and can’t go on. I’m struggling to make it and I don’t see the end of this tunnel that envelopes me. The enemy attacks me relentlessly and I feel as if I hide in a bunker with war raging about me. I don’t know what to do.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it Lord. The struggle against the flow of the world is tiring and so oppressive that it feels as if I can’t breathe at times. Some days I think to myself; "If no one else cares is it necessary for me to care so much?" I feel as one who walks on deep loose sand.

I want to serve you Lord but I struggle so hard to do it. Am I a terrible wicked servant, or is it the affliction of the evil one? Worse yet is it simply my giving in to the sinfulness of the flesh? These thoughts drive me down even further and the loose deep sand pulls me down deeper and deeper.

I can’t seem to even find the surface any longer and I can’t move. I choke on the oppressive sand as it fills my nose and mouth. I writhe and struggle gasping for air. Realization comes upon me that I have fallen into the miry clay once again. The enemy laughs at me bending and looking into my face. His words haunt me; "YOU ARE A FAILURE!!!!"

With shame I realize that I have fallen into the miry clay once again. How foolish I am to linger so close to it’s edge. My head hangs in shame and in my misery I beat on myself for doing the things I did not want to do. I ask myself over and over; "WHY?" As I look down I see the chains around my feet pulling me down even further…